Random fears

Today I feel restless. Just finished reading 2 vastly different books. I read "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" trilogy and "A Voice in the Wind" by Francine Rivers. The Sisterhood is about the adventures 4 high school best friends in modern life. Voice is a Christian novel set in 40 AD Rome that follows the lives of a gladiator, a rich Roman, and a Jewish slave. I don't think these books can be any more different from each other.

Anyway. Today I feel restless and scared and vaugely overwhelmed and apprehensive of the future. I have no idea what I will be doing in 1 year. I will be graduated, I know that much, but that is all. Will I be pushed into the corporate world like so many others who share my major or will I resist since I don't think I see myself there? Will my parents be disappointed if I don't climb the corporate ladder? What other option is there for me? Will I be close to Kevin, will we finally end our long distance relationship? Will I "succeed" in the eyes of the world but fail myself? How will I fit my faith into my life after graduation? What if God nudges me in a different direction? Will I follow? I feel like a waste of a Christian sometimes. Will I be secure? Does it even matter?

The cool thing is I talked to a friend last night about some of these things and plans after college. She offered to be my roommate if I end up in Austin. I was so pumped because I really want to live in Austin. I'd love it. I want to take it as a sign, as a hint that God is preparing that for me, that moving to Austin is part of his plan for me. I'd already have someone I know to live with! But, what do I know of God's plans? Mostly I see his influence as I look back on my life, except for some major exceptions when I think about it. hmmm. Austin with Amy. It would be so cool. We'll see. It is weird to know that once I graduate I hold full reign of my life. I make the decisions that affect my well-being and outcome. I'll have to pay insurance and feel my way of being an adult. How gross. :-P I wish I was 21 going on 12.

Houstonia

I'm in Houston and it is awesome! I'm with the cutest guy in the whole world. He just makes my heart burst with happiness! Alright, that is all the mush you'll have to deal with. I must say I'm impressed with how many people could relate to the inner child v. inner adult battle I talked about in my last post. That means next fall we'll have to have some kind of party with a kid theme, much like my b-day party. Woo-hoo! I don't have any good stories or deep thoughts to share today. Played Mario 64 yesterday. Makes me really miss Jak. haha. I see Laura on Monday night! Good times, good times. We're going to rock the house. Just broke my glasses. I blame Kevin because he is actually around to blame. Yay! hehe. Well, like I said. I have nothing to say. Bye!